Bunmi walked into the boutique because she was attracted to this entirely gorgeous patent leather stiletto red bottoms she saw from the shop window. It was sitting there like a queen, regal and throbbing with an aura that seemed to say “come and wear me… I’m all yours”. This was not just another pair of heels, these was THE QUEEN OF HEELS!
Bunmi did not care if the heavens were falling at that moment. she just knew she must have those shoes.
So she walked into the shop and asked to try it on. She sat down and impatiently tapped her toes while the attendant brought the shoes. Bunmi closed her eyes and held her breath as she dusted off her feet and lowered her left foot into the shoe. It fit …. somehow…
Continue reading “Who The Shoe Fits….”
I didn’t know what a good man is supposed to look like or treat me because I didn’t have a dad to show me who a good man is.
I grew up hearing stories about how my dad got my mum pregnant and left. So my earliest impressions of men were that they were not to be trusted. They’ll always leave. The more I heard tales about my rejection, heard tales of how my mother struggled to raise me alone as a single broke mom, heard how my grandmother had to take me from her to save us from starving, the more inferior and unloved I felt.
I believed something was wrong with me and I have to work at making people love me. I believed I had to be the kind of person I imagined they would love. The more men I met, the more identities and personas I adopted. In the process, I lost me.
Continue reading “I Didn’t Know What Love Looked Like…”
I have always wanted to talk about the age of independence of the Nigerian child. At what point do parents realize that they have raised an adult who is able to make his her own decisions and choices in life?
Most people believe that when a child moves out of the home, starts earning, and probably sending his/her parents some kind of allowance, then he or she is truly independent. But within the Nigerian context, this is hardly so. Young people are barely ever seen as independent by parents even when they start earning or living on their own.
Continue reading “About Independence From Nigerian Parenting…”
My grandmother was fond of proverbs and parables and metaphors. I have since realized that this fondness isn’t peculiar to her. African parents of their generation are specialists in using proverbs and adages to pass down wisdom to the next generation.
One of such proverbs I heard from my grandma is “Without a crack in the wall, the wall gecko wouldn’t find a way into the house”
She said it so often that it became a cliche. Now cliches are dangerous. Because once you identify them as one, you have the tendency to gloss over them, become bored with them and consequently, lose sight of the underlying wisdom.
That’s exactly what happened. I never paid this seemingly tiny morsel of wisdom any mind until I lived the truth of that statement.
“Without a crack in the wall, the wall gecko wouldn’t find a way into the house”
Wall geckos are sly creatures. They can be quite invisible actually because they stay out of your way. Hiding behind closets and curtains and God knows where else.
Continue reading “Lessons From Grandma; Seal Up The Crack!”
The fact that someone hurt you, doesn’t mean they were never supposed to be in your life. Sometimes, we need to experience life, work, school, relationship with certain people so that we can learn not just how to handle difficulty, but so we can get to know ourselves better.
There are people that have been placed on your path through life that will open up your deepest fears, insecurities and expose your carefully airbrushed rough edges. You need those people.
Continue reading “They’re Nasty To You? Don’t Avoid Them. They’re Useful!”
Have you ever been on the receiving end of “the silent treatment”? When a friend or spouse totally freezes you out and shuts down all communication and connection because of a perceived wrong or conflict? I think it’s one of the most devastating things to happen to a relationship.
The silent treatment is born out of a desire to inflict hurt. This person wants to ostracize you “to teach you a lesson”. According to psychologists, being given the silent treatment is also an effective form of emotional manipulation.
People who deal with conflict by meting out the silent treatment are described as emotionally immature or who has a desire to dominate but has a problem with effective communication. The only way they can “make you pay” for what you have done is by withdrawing emotionally and sometimes physically.
Continue reading “Emotional Manipulation – The Silent Treatment”
If you keep falling for the wrong guys and hooking up with men you’re not supposed to touch with a ten mile pole, it’s probably because you haven’t figured out that you just might be the problem.
- You haven’t gotten to know yourself. – If you have not taken out time to meet you, understand you, accept what makes you tick, what drives you, what pisses you off, what you love, who you are and what your values are, you’ll fall into the shadow of anyone around you and before you know it, you’ll adapt to any guy you’re currently dating. You’ll lose your individuality because you never knew enough about yourself to assert yourself in the relationship.
Continue reading “3 Reasons Why You Keep Falling For The ‘Wrong’ Guys”
Let me start by saying that there are no “deep spiritual lessons” that I want to share in this post. I just wanted to tell you about something that happened to me.
Anyway, last year I saw a man and admired him from a distance. I observed the ease at which he went about his business, his obvious skill set and the intelligence that couldn’t help but show as he did what he did.
All these I noticed and liked. But I had no conversation with him despite the fact that I was quite attracted. He had this “air” around him that was enigmatic and that piqued my interest.
Continue reading “About My Crush & Imaginary Date…”
As written by Lauren Skirvin
“Why wasn’t it me?” Carrie asked the love of her life right before he married another woman. “No, seriously. I really need to hear you say it. Come on, be a friend.”
“I don’t know. It just got so hard… and she’s…” replied Mr. Big.
I know it’s clichéd to quote “Sex and the City,” but it’s still so relevant.
This episode revealed to girls like me what we’ve subconsciously known for a long time: We are the type of girls you should be with, but you don’t want to be with.
Mr. Big was probably going to finish that statement with “easy.” Natasha, his soon-to-be wife, is easy — as in, she just goes with the flow. She doesn’t get angry or challenge him to be better.
Continue reading “The ‘Simple’ Girlfriend & The ‘Complicated’ Girlfriend”
For some time now, I’ve been ruminating over why so many single people are pressured about marriage in the church community. Most churches are quick to deny this. They say; “No one is pressuring you, it’s okay to be single and serve God…” and other patronising statements like that but every time special programs are organised for singles, the theme will always revolve around relationships, dating and marriage.
Look, we have single people and we have married people. Not everyone is meant to be married. I believe that there is no such thing as a healthy church until we bring back God’s call to singleness inside the church.
We won’t glorify God completely unless we have a vibrant single’s community. And I’m not talking about a “meet other singles and network for dating opportunity” kind of single’s fellowship most churches have.
Continue reading “We Are Not All Meant To Be Married…”
Let me start by saying that jerry Maguire lied to y’all. You will not find a man that completes you. Only Jesus can do that. And he already has. It’s a good thing to desire a husband but it shouldn’t be the goal of your existence. Don’t sit around waiting for a man to come and marry you before your life can have a meaning. God wants to use you and frankly speaking, whether you are single or married, he will use you if you let him. So why are you waiting for marriage before you get on track with what God wants to do?
Leverage on your single status by pouring into the lives of younger women and making disciples. There are Secondary school girls, Undergraduates, and other younger girls who look up to you and think you are incredible. Seize this opportunity and mentor them.
Don’t sit around moping and trolling your married friends’ instagram photos (especially the #MyHusbadAndMe selfies)
Stop it! Pour yourself out into the lives of younger ones to the glory of God.
QUESTION: What exactly does it mean or look like for a Christian man to lead a Christian woman in a dating relationship?
ANSWER: I don’t know why we have been taught that this ideology applies to dating, so let me just come right out and say it: As a boyfriend, you have no business being her leader.
Continue reading “Dear Boyfriend, You’re Not A Husband…Yet.”
Relationships are so important in the eyes of God. As His children, He desires that we live in unity and stay connected with one another. When we are transparent and pray for each other, something supernatural takes place.
We open the door to God’s abundant blessing and healing in our lives. When we walk in love and unity, our prayers become more effective, and His power is released in and through us.
Living in peace and unity doesn’t mean you have to agree with everyone around you all the time. It means you look for common ground. It means you reach out to others; you pray for them and help meet their needs.
When we put the needs of others first, God will make sure our own needs are abundantly supplied. Follow God’s commands and pray for one another so that you may be healed!
Being Single In Church Can Be Sometimes Annoying…
Some of you are probably wondering where on earth I’m going with a post like this. Well, hear me out for a moment. Over time, I have been quite uncomfortable with how most churches treat single people. (Especially single women)
I believe the church is a body that caters for people from all works of life and in all stages of life. Children, teenager, young adult, single, married, divorced, widowed…employed, unemployed…etc.
Continue reading “The Annoying Thing About Being Single In Church”