My Very First Fathers Day!

I never liked fathers day. Not because I didn’t like fathers, but because every celebration of fathers day reminded me of the void in me that I’ve always tried to fill. It reminded me of the relationship i wish I had.

Today is different though. For the very first time I really am celebrating fathers day. I’m celebrating my father without any wishful thinking or void in my heart because I have finally accepted the truth that I have always had a dad.

I’ve been going through life listening to the devil’s lies that I have no father looking out for me. I lived all 32 years of my life feeling incomplete and unwanted because my biological dad wasn’t there.

But I know better now. I have been set free from the oppression of that lie by the truth of Gods word. I have always had a father. He formed me and gave me a name and a future. He wrote down everyday of my life in his book. He loves me unconditionally and is always looking out for my good.

A dad who has never left my side for once even when I didn’t realize he was there.  He’s not mad at me and is always in a good mood about me. He sees my imperfections yet, he’s proud of me!

Today is fathers day and for the first time, I have no pain about today. Instead I am full of gratitude to my dad for his amazing grace and patience with me. Bringing me up to this point has been quite a journey I tell you.

Happy fathers day dad, thank you for being not just God, but a great great father.

I Didn’t Know What Love Looked Like…

I didn’t know what a good man is supposed to look like or treat me because I didn’t have a dad to show me who a good man is.

I grew up hearing stories about how my dad got my mum pregnant and left. So my earliest impressions of men were that they were not to be trusted. They’ll always leave. The more I heard tales about my rejection, heard tales of how my mother struggled to raise me alone as a single broke mom, heard how my grandmother had to take me from her to save us from starving, the more inferior and unloved I felt.

I believed something was wrong with me and I have to work at making people love me. I believed I had to be the kind of person I imagined they would love. The more men I met, the more identities and personas I adopted. In the process, I lost me.

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Re-Fixing Your Focus..

The feeling of loss is not a good feeling; loss of a job, a loved one or a prized possession. Sometimes we mourn that which we have lost with so much energy and passion; especially after we seemed to have done all that is in our power to do to prevent it from happening.

From intense pain to grief to numbness, and sometimes even resentment, we feel it all. But we don’t heal as long as we continue to focus on what has been lost.

There is a time and season for everything. Recognise when it’s time to move to a new season; A season of healing and rest. This can only happen when you re-fix your focus. Know when it’s time to turn to what God is doing in you at the moment, what he is working out inside you, what lessons you are learning and what blessings are currently in your life.

If you keep looking back at the people you lost, you will not appreciate the people you have. If you keep looking back at the things you no longer have, you will not be grateful for what you have right now.

Gratitude helps you heal. Gratitude opens your inner eyes to possibilities and opens your heart to receiving God’s grace.

Fix your focus on what God is currently working out in you right now. You don’t have to understand what is happening. You can trust that God is always working out everything for good. (Romans 8:28)

 

BE ENCOURAGED…..

How are you doing today?

I feel so strongly that i should encourage you this morning, that whatever you might be going through this moment, this season, DO NOT FEAR. YOU WILL COME OUT FINE!

In whatever situation you find yourself, DO NOT LOSE YOURSELF. Always be conscious of who you are and whose you are.

You are the beloved of God

You are the apple of God’s eyes

You  matter to God

You are Important

You are beautiful

You are Lovable

You have been blessed and gifted

You deserve love and every good thing

God does not make mistakes. You are NOT a mistake. Your life is not a mistake; God knows what he is doing and he is working to make everything work together for your good.

This morning, please trust God to come through for you. I have seen and experienced him come through for me in the most amazing ways and If he did it before, he can and he will do it again. He is the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Smile, Laugh, Dance and be encouraged!

I Love you

#TheFavoredWoman Presents; IdentiFIGHT!

Few days ago, i shared a little bit about growing up insecure and all the baggage that comes with it.  I talked about wanting to sit down with you and not just talk about it, but offer help, encouragement, motivation and prayer for anyone who might be going through the same thing.

Our insecurity is from how we emotionally think about ourselves, sometimes rooted in how we were raised, our life experiences and some of the words spoken over us as we grew up.  Some of us have had our self-esteem battered over the years and we don’t even know how much this is affecting our everyday life

Insecurity and low self-esteem has pushed so many young women into the wrong relationships and in some cases, abusive relationships.

Please register to sit and talk with me and my sisters on Saturday 10th June at Bukka Hut, 61 Admiralty way, Lekki Phase One, Lagos.

Admission is Free! But please register —> HERE

INTRODUCING: ‘IdentiFIGHT’ – The Fight For The Real You!

Once upon a time, I didn’t like myself very much. I didn’t like how I looked, I didn’t think I was particularly bright (most likely because I grew up being told I was stupid) I was a sensitive and an emotional child and the many negative comments thrown at me affected me deeply.

Growing up in a single parent household, I was a rebellious teenager with identity crisis and self-worth issues.  At a young age, I became a people pleaser who will go to great lengths for other people just to be liked and be accepted. Let’s just say that emotionally, I was a wreck and while this followed me into adulthood, I skillfully covered it up with church and religious activities and professional excellence.

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NEW PHOTOS: About Living Life Deliberately…

No it’s not my birthday yet and Lord knows i don’t particularly feel like it is right now but what i do know is  that, it’s a great season of my life right now.

God has been right here with me, walking me through the roller coaster of growing, making mistakes, learning how to love and how to be the truly favored woman he named me.  I have been far from perfect. I have hurt people and i have been hurt by people, but through it all, i am learning to live my life deliberately.

So that’s what this shoot is really about. Living life with intention.

Clothes Designed and Styled by  CheChe Smith for CSN NATION

Make-Up by Makeup Explorer

Photography by SunnyDays Media

Continue reading “NEW PHOTOS: About Living Life Deliberately…”

Embracing The Journey Of Growing Older…

The Older i get, the more i realize i no longer want a lot of things i thought i wanted. I’ll call myself a late bloomer; It took me a while to really find myself and be friends with myself.

The older i get, the more i become comfortable with the woman i am and the more i embrace and anticipate the woman i’m becoming.

The older i get, the more self-aware i become. I am confident to say what i want, i make choices with certainty, i love without fear, and i work towards my purpose with clarity.

I’ll turn thirty-three in July and i am looking forward to my mid-thirties. I must say life in the 30’s is pretty good. It has it’s struggles of course, but the learning on the journey has been amazing.

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If There’s An Aisle Walking, We’re Taking That Walk Together..

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In Nigeria, weddings are a big deal. I’ve enjoyed my share of them (attending that is. lol) and for some reasons i do not want to critically analyse, i have started thinking about what mine would look like if i do decide to have one.

Of course, i thought about clothes, venues, food, music and all the attending glitterati. But what really occupied my thoughts was the tradition of fathers walking their daughters down the aisle, or the closest male relative if the father is dead.

Some historical perspective here;  “In ancient times, it was very common for female children to have either arranged marriages or be purchased by their future groom so-to-speak. The root word “wedd” of Anglo-Saxon derivation actually means a “pledge” or “vow”.

This either referred to the groom vowing to marry the woman or it meant the barter money or trade agreement with the bride’s father for his daughter. The actual word wedding refers to a “wager”.

Therefore, the bride’s father would setup a type of contract with the groom that he would barter for land, social status, or even political reputation, which back then was as significant as it is today.

Continue reading “If There’s An Aisle Walking, We’re Taking That Walk Together..”

If It Feels Like Your Mood Swings Are Out Of Control…

I have always had mood swings. for as long as i can remember. I was a relatively happy child, who grew up into a moody adolescent, a turbulent teenager and a complicated adult.  (Someday, I’ll tell you how that happened)

When i started having mood swings, i didn’t know what they were called. But i knew exactly how i felt. One moment, I’ll be happy, playful and carefree, the next moment, I’ll be irritable, unhappy , uninterested in anything and anyone.

It got worse as i grew up. A lot of this had to do with my natural temperament and being molested at eight but I had no one to explain what was happening to me, so i grew up into an adult who internalizes hurts, fears and negativism.

Continue reading “If It Feels Like Your Mood Swings Are Out Of Control…”

Dear Twitter, We Need To Take A Break For A While…

I have wanted to do this for a while but i kept hanging on hoping i’ll get over it somehow. I kept telling myself that i might be overreacting just a little bit but these past few days have brought the clarity that i needed.

I will be taking a break from twitter for some time. I don’t know for how long. Maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks, maybe more. But one thing is certain; it will be long enough for me to clear my head and detox and come back able to handle the cacophony of opinions better than I’ve been handling it. Right now, twitter isn’t just healthy for me.

Dear friends, i am tired. tired of the negativity, the anger, the arguments, the endless debates and threads. It feels like everyone is shouting themselves hoarse just trying to be heard above everyone else. Everybody has an opinion, everyone feels their opinions must be expressed. sometimes in the bid to add our voices to debates and issues that supposedly concern us, we shout others down, we are sarcastic, we are rude, arrogant and insensitive.

I am tired of the endless flood of negative reports and economic and political analysis, i am  tired of reading about killings and reactions to killings. I am tired of political arguments and commentary. tired of religious arguments and twitter fights about gender equality and misogyny. I am tired.

I am tired of scrolling through my twitter timeline and becoming sad for no reason. Twitter has become toxic for me and i can no longer allow that to continue.

Over time i have come  to realize that the information we continually expose our minds to, dictate what we do, say and how we live. That’s why God is very particular about us meditating on his word.

My dears, my mind needs a detox from negativity right now. I’ll be back as soon as God says it’s okay and i can handle it.

I’ll be reachable here and you know you can always click on the “Contact Me” Menu on top of the page and you’ll be able to send me a message.

I’ll also be sharing with you regularly here.

Take care my darlings!

Love you!

Winning From The Inside Out

This year is about living purposefully and deliberately. It’s about seeing too. Because everything in the universe might conspire to block your vision from seeing beyond what’s happening right in front of you. But if you look into your spirit, what do you see?

God has just reminded me that every project I’ve ever done that has been successful, I had seen the complete picture in my mind before I even wrote down the idea.

So in moments of doubt, I look inside. What do I see?

I have the mind of Christ the spirit tells me. My mind connects with the spirit and shows me a picture. And then I smile. Because once again, I have won.

Please Help Me Remember….

Dear God,

Please help me remember how good you’ve been to me.

help me remember how you’ve come through for me when I was helpless and needed you.

Help me remember that I don’t need to help you do anything.

Help me remember that all I need to do is trust you and take you at your word

Help me remember that my relationship with you is more important than any other thing I want from you

Help me remember that you know what is good for me and you’ll never leave me hanging

Help me remember that your plans for me ARE ALWAYS GOOD

Help me remember your unconditional love for me

Help me remember to trust you.

Help me remember that ultimately, YOU ARE GOD OVER MY LIFE and that’s the most important thing.

The Perfect Fit

Nobody likes over-sized or undersized clothes. You can dress it up, accessorize, loosen or pin up, it might look good to everyone, but you KNOW it doesn’t fit.

I was done with materials that didn’t fit no matter how much I adjusted them. So I stopped bothering to try anything on.

Different colors, different shades, different textures and different sizes. Some bright and boldly attractive and some subtle in their allure. Alas, I would not be won over. Enough!  I said. Maybe I was not meant to wear any, I thought.

And when I was not looking, I saw you. You’ve always been there. Not expecting attention, overshadowed by other materials assumed to be more appealing.

And on a strange, unexpected night, without any sales pitch or marketing gimmick, I tried you on for size. I looked in the mirror and I saw how beautiful I looked with you draped all over me.

I saw your unique patterns and intricate details. All delicately woven together with elements that are too precious to name. Adjusting to my curves and edges and smoothing my imperfections.

Did I notice that people might think an older fabric might be better suited or appropriate? Of course!  But then, when has public opinion ever done me any good?

I can’t stop staring at how we blend and how we seemed to have waited to find each other.

I looked at the mirror again.

I decide I’m not taking you off.

You’re the perfect fit.

My perfect fit.

Welcome To NOVEMBER!

One reason i’m excited to see November? The year 2016 is coming to an end. For that, i heave a huge sigh of relief and gratitude. Not that 2016 has been a bad year, actually it’s been pretty good. However it’s been quite eventful. My emotions have taken a hit this year, my heart has been broken and healed, i have fallen and risen, i have cried and laughed and i have learned and grown.

One major lesson this year for me, is learning to stay true to myself and finally shedding that debilitating cloak of insecurity. I was set free in 2016 and trust me when i say that’s a huge Miracle!

I finally figured out my own special way of communicating with God this year. (imagine!) and it’s been absolutely beautiful 🙂

I find myself looking forward to the final month of the year because i know something awesome is about to happen!