Who Do I Become When I Hang Out With You?

I never used to pay much attention before. But about a year ago, i had some friends and something happened that made me re-evaluate that friendship. it made me look inwards and take a hard critical look at myself.

I discovered i was changing. I was morphing into a character my environment was creating. I was becoming influenced by the words i was hearing, the attitudes of those i was hanging out with and i had over time, put on a cloak of criticism and condemnation.

I didn’t like it. so i stepped away. i kept my distance and started to learn how to let God clean me up and detoxify me. i didn’t understand how deep it was until recently when the lord started to talk to me again about how our associations can either cover us in grace or take us out of the covering.

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Find Your Community & CONNECT!

Behavioural scientists say humans are by nature social creatures. We connect with other humans emotionally and we seek out physical connections that appeal to us emotionally.

As it is true in behavioural science, so is it true in our lives as spiritual  beings too. In actual fact, i believe this desire for connection originates from our spirit because Man is spirit first.

We cannot do life alone. we are not wired that way. In our walk with God, we will sometimes need a hand to hold as we walk through some difficult learning moments, we will need the support  of a community, and the companionship and fellowship of friends and brethren to share joys with.

Community keeps us from becoming a self-absorbed island. community can keep us accountable. community keeps us balanced.

God always establishes us in a community so that we can receive his love through the channels of people he surrounds us with.  It could be your church family, circle of friends, prayer group or mentors; take a careful look around you; you’ll find them.

Now, i’m not saying things will be rosy dovy all the time with some people in your community; because we are human, friction will happen but you will learn through grace and forgiveness and you will grow.

You are not created to go through life all on your own. God has given you a support system. look carefully around you; chances are you already know who they are. CONNECT!

No. They Won’t Let You “Be Yourself”…

So many times, i hear people say to me: “I like you because you are so real. Please keep on being yourself”. I used to think i know what that meant, but these days i’m not sure i do.

I have since realized that when people tell you to keep being yourself, they really don’t mean it. What they are actually saying is, “keep being the version of you that we like and we are comfortable with”.  They ask you to be “yourself” but the moment they can’t understand your actions, can’t figure you out or you step out of formation, they are right there telling what to do, what to think and how to live your life.

“I don’t like the way you left your hair unstyled”.

“Why don’t you wear more skirts?”

“You should wear more make-up”

“Why don’t you hang out more”

And on and on… the unsolicited advice never stops.  They want you to “please be yourself” but they won’t let you be.

Why Does It Have To Be Movies & Popcorn Every Time?



I haven’t gone on dates in a very long while. And not just because I have been busy and I actually haven’t been particularly motivated to, but because the idea of doing the same things people who live in Lagos do on dates, give me the hibbie jibbies.

We have become rather stereotyped and predictable. And unfortunately, that’s boring. Most single people go on dates with an expectation. Movies, wine, dine, conversation (or not) and the beginning of a romance that leads to the ever illusive happily ever after.

Whatever happened to enjoying each other’s company without undue expectations? Rich, deep, interesting, fun and at the same time intellectual conversation that does not end up in some kind of romantic tension?

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We Love, But We Have Boundaries…

Psalm1: 1 – 3 (TLB)

Oh, the joys of those who do not follow evil men’s advice, who do not hang around with sinners, scoffing at the things of God. But they delight in doing everything God wants them to, and day and night are always meditating on his laws and thinking about ways to follow him more closely.

They are like trees along a riverbank bearing luscious fruit each season without fail. Their leaves shall never wither, and all they do shall prosper.

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How to Spot and Handle “Christian” Vampires!

Many relationships bring great joy and peace into our lives. Others can suck the joy and peace right out of us. I call people who deplete our joy and peace “Christian vampires.” Believers are taught to “love our neighbor” and “turn the other cheek.” Consequently, some Christians may have a difficult time dealing with these sorts of people because of our giving nature.

How do you spot a Christian vampire? Here are a few examples:

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How To Kill A Friendship

Friendships are such a difficult thing to navigate in life, but such an essential part of life.

I read that the average friendship has a lifespan of 5 years.  That is kind of sad but yet comforting at the same time.  Friendships ebb and flow.  Jobs change, people move, kid’s schools, teams and hobbies change.  When a friendship ends, it does not mean there is something wrong with me.  It is just a natural part of life.  There are, however, a few things you can do to fast forward the ending of a friendship.

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