I Want An Egalitarian Marriage…

I grew up exposed to conservative, christian marriages even though I was raised by a single mother. I was raised to aspire to that kind of marriage because it’s the “right and proper way”. Gender and relationship stereotypes where husbands lead and wives followed or  submit were entrenched in every lesson, moral instruction and youth counseling session.

As I grew older and started looking closely, I saw  how unhappy most of  the married people around me were; the women struggling and sometimes resigned to playing their assigned gender roles and I knew something was wrong with that dynamic and I was sure I wanted none of it.

I knew i loved the idea of a family but not while i have to fall in the back and be the second class citizen and subordinate in the relationship. The older i got, the more i started to discover myself and settle into my own space and understand God’s purpose for me, the more i realized  that an egalitarian marriage is what I want.

I want a marriage based on love, mutual trust, where vulnerability can be expressed, respect, forgiveness and  mutual sacrifice are shared, there is open communication, and equality is key

I want a marriage where decisions are made together on an equal platform and at times when we both disagree on an issue, we can both come to the table and respectfully state our positions and be objective and be willing to meet each other half-way.

I want a marriage where we invest in each other’s interests and help each other up.

I want a marriage where gender roles do not factor in how we run our home and family and tasks are done based on individual giftedness and we can accept our uniqueness and understand our weaknesses.

I want  a marriage where equal partnership is a key factor of our love relationship and we are mutually submissive to Christ who is the only authority in our home.

It’s egalitarian i know. I guess that means i am egalitarian. I believe it is what God wants for not just me, but for all his children.

4 Replies to “I Want An Egalitarian Marriage…”

  1. Adapting to a consigned role is settling for less than is obtainable which is recipe for dissatisfaction.

  2. Good afternoon Fola and everyone else. Let me say something about this interesting topic.
    First, the man is the head of the family. Thats God’s idea. I believe that was what he meant when he said the woman should be submissive to her husband. The wife’s opinion on issues is important but I believe God places the man over the home as the head spiritually and in other ways. And head means head. There is really nothing to modify therein.

    The problem comes when a woman gets married to a man who doesn’t have Christ as his own head (I mean genuinely), as the head of the woman is her husband (1 Corinthians 11:3), and those are the ones who end up with such bad stories you may have seen. We all have roles, even in marriage..Understanding one’s role in the success of the marriage makes life easy. Many times, people feel like the job of home making for instance is inferior to that of providing or that women are inferior because they have to cook. Thats a wrong notion and should be discouraged amongst men and women.

    I know of marriages where the husband leads the home with this understanding, and I can say those marriages are really good. A woman needs to know that taking care of the home is her job, she was equipped to handle that role better. Nothing is wrong in the couple helping each other in their roles, but ultimately each person has been equipped for the building of the home into a perfect place.

    God doesn’t intend for wives to be slaves. He intends for them to be led in marriage by a man who himself understands his place as a protector, provider and lover.

    I may add a few more things to this if I need to. Keep up the good job.


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