I have always had mood swings. for as long as i can remember. I was a relatively happy child, who grew up into a moody adolescent, a turbulent teenager and a complicated adult. (Someday, I’ll tell you how that happened)
When i started having mood swings, i didn’t know what they were called. But i knew exactly how i felt. One moment, I’ll be happy, playful and carefree, the next moment, I’ll be irritable, unhappy , uninterested in anything and anyone.
It got worse as i grew up. A lot of this had to do with my natural temperament and being molested at eight but I had no one to explain what was happening to me, so i grew up into an adult who internalizes hurts, fears and negativism.
I became an adult whose moods and feelings are controlled by her thought process. The more bumps on the road i encountered in life, the more i internalized the pain. the more people hurt me, the more i internalized the pain. The more i did this, the more i hurt myself and hurt other people.
I didn’t love myself. I couldn’t really love others too.
But gradually, freedom came. God’s word is indeed light. It was a long winding and complicated journey but I became free. And i started to learn about me. I had to acknowledge where i was, and i had to acknowledge that i needed desperate help.
I had the Holy Spirit in me all these while but i wouldn’t let him help me. I had too much pain and anger and locked up inside for him to reach me at my core. I was too distracted by activities for me to listen to him say he wants to help me.
But then it happened. Breaking point came and i ran to him in tears. And the time came that i realized i needed help in finding not just myself but i needed to be free. So he began to teach me. I learnt how to spend personal time and get healing, comfort, refreshed and strengthened.
I started learning how to love me and love others. I learned that i had been set free so long ago but i was the one who has refused to step out of captivity. So i took the leap and declared boldly that i am free! And i got up free! I learned to let go of the pain, the toxic thoughts i had internalized about myself.
I learned and i am still learning how to not let negative thoughts stay in my head and control how i feel and how i behave. This has been a difficult road to walk but God has been incredibly faithful. I just need to cry for help and he jumps in to the rescue.
I am a happy woman now, I no longer suffer from depression. Even though my temperament is still Melancholic, I still have mood swings but i have learned to understand the triggers and how to deal with them.
I am by no means perfect or ‘there’ yet, but the journey so far has been enlightening and in it, i have discovered my purpose and i can say that God’s incredible grace has placed me on the path of becoming the woman God has called me to be.
I’m telling you all these to encourage you, in case you’re a complicated soul and it feels like your moods are out of control. They are not.
God’s word and continued intimacy with him is all you need to break free.
Below are some other materials that also helped me:
CRASH THE CHATTERBOX By Steven Furtick
BATTLEFIELD OF THE MIND By Joyce Meyer
DEFEATING BAD MOODS By Joyce Meyer
CONFESSIONS FOR LIVING By Chris Oyakhilome
Start your journey with these materials and Don’t forget your bible and your personal time with God. You’ll be amazed at the changes you’ll see in yourself. God is all about our motives. He sees your heart and your desire for change and he is willing to help you. Just ask him. He’s waiting.