For those of you who might find this post rather weird, let me start by saying that this is my reality and I believe that it’s only by sharing some of what I’m living and learning can I truly reach out and get someone else who might be going through the same thing to connect.
Anyway, I hung out with my friends/colleagues last night and we went to this outdoor place with a great view of the lagoon.
Over chicken wings and Chapman, the conversation somehow went to relationships, men and sex. (if you think single women don’t discuss these things, you’re sadly mistaken)
It will interest you to know that two of us are living Celibate and the other one is still a work in progress. (she hasn’t committed to Christ yet, and I’m praying for her)
I won’t divulge the details of the conversation but I’ll tell you that as women, we talked about stuff we’ve done, our mistakes and stuff we wished we didn’t do.
I’m not a virgin (in the biological sense of the word) but when I became fully committed to Jesus, I ended the sinful relationship I was in and put on the mantle of celibacy. It’s been two years and when the conversation last night was taking place, I must confess at some point, I felt like a freak.
Was it the extra spicy food? The shisha smoke (my friend was on the bong..lol)? Something in the conversation? I don’t know. Suddenly I wanted to break my vow. I wanted to end it all. All sorts of thoughts flooded my mind.
Yep! Every nerve ending in my body screamed for release and I just wanted to have an orgasm. So I zoned out of the discussion. We finished our drinks and went home.
If you’re expecting some christianese activity here, let me disappoint you. I didn’t do anything. I was physically exhausted. I slept off .
But I woke up this morning and remembered everything that happened and how I felt. I realized how much I was tempted last night, I was reminded of my humanity and I wondered… How did I make it through?
The Holy Spirit led me to Philippians 2:13 and he showed me that my not following through with my bodily desires last night is because of his work in me. He’s right there, giving me the desire to do the right thing and changing me from the inside out, even when I didn’t realize it.
Philippians 2: 13 (NLT)
“ For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”
I learned that no one has the ability to stand except God holds him/her. We can’t avoid people in this world. We will be exposed to certain circumstances you will rather not be in (people always ask how I can work in the media and entertainment industries and still be a Christian, well this is the answer right here. The Word. The holy spirit. His grace. His divine strength.
If you’re struggling with masturbation or any kind of sexual sin, make up your mind to stop it, study the word fanatically and TRUST the Holy Spirit to do his work inside you. Remember, it not your efforts. It’s his ability in you. It’s his grace. Thank him for it and rely on him today.
God bless you