On our way back from church last Sunday, my friend and i started a conversation about how the challenges we’ve faced as women committed to Christ in recent times, how we both grew up trying so hard to fit in but knowing that there’s just something different about us that makes us always stand out. we wondered why everyone seemed to be able to do certain things and get away with it and we just never could. as soon as we tried it, all hell would almost literally break loose.
The conversation inevitably moved towards our relationships with men over time, from when we were “in the world” to how much things had changed since we became committed to Christ. We shared our experiences, our challenges, the highs and the lows and what we had learnt individually over time.
One major lesson that stood out was how God’s plan and purpose always trumps whatever you have planned for your life. that conversation made me look at my life from a different perspective and i discovered every time i had tried to walk out of God’s divine purpose and do my own thing, it inevitably led to so much pain and frustration and going around in circles until i find my way back to the path again. When i came into the entertainment industry, i didn’t realize God had a purpose for bringing me in there. I became carried away with the lifestyle. rather than be a light, i hustled to blend in and i lost my way for a while until God rescued me.
In relationships, i had lusted and i had loved wrongly. and as a result, i had been burned. But in all these, God’s purpose kept reaching out. I look back now, and i actually have no regrets. because if i didn’t go through all the things i went through, if i didn’t make all those mistakes, there would have been no lesson for me to learn and teach others. i can reach out to young people in media, music and entertainment today because i was given the privilege to learn first hand how and how not to live this life.
In the course of the conversation with my friend, she shared a testimony of a woman we both know who had such a great ministry and unfortunately married someone who almost brought down her ministry. But God restored her and today she’s ministering again and fulfilling purpose. I later checked the story of this woman online and i was almost heartbroken when i saw the hateful comments, the ridicule, and the outright slandering that she had to go through. And that made me think really hard. No matter how much you are celebrated by everyone right now, you’re just one mistake, one wrong decision away from becoming the subject of public ridicule. If they did it it to Jesus, why not me? who am i?
I have been thinking all week. What is most important? Fulfilling purpose? my relationship with God? Realizing my dreams? How far am i willing to go with this? When push comes to shove, when everyone who smiles at me today eventually turn their backs in contempt, will i stand for my Lord?
I want to be like Jesus. In everything, In every way. It won’t be easy, it won’t be painless. Am i prepared? I don’t know. but one thing i do know is this: I’m on my way.