The Annoying Thing About Being Single In Church

 

 

Being Single In Church Can Be Sometimes Annoying…

Some of you are probably wondering where on earth I’m going with a post like this. Well, hear me out for a moment. Over time, I have been quite uncomfortable with how most churches treat single people. (Especially single women)

I believe the church is a body that caters for people from all works of life and in all stages of life. Children, teenager, young adult, single, married, divorced, widowed…employed, unemployed…etc.

Most churches have programs that cater for these groups and that’s fine. But over time, I have noticed that anytime a “Singles Program” is held, the primary focus of these programs is to discuss relationship, marriage and sex. (Where the same things are said and the same questions are asked over and over again **yawns**) More often than not, it makes me ask “Shouldn’t there be more to life as a single person than looking for a mate”?

I have been to a church where the Pastor invited all the single people up front and asked the whole congregation to pray for them to find a “mate.” I stayed in my seat wondering “What in the world is wrong with being single”? Calling single women out for prayers made it look like being single is some kind of problem that you need special prayers for.

Being single in this present Nigerian society is tough, especially when surrounded by people who are quick to “sympathize” with you and “pray for you”. The last thing single churchgoers need is their pastor further reinforcing the thought they’re already entertaining: “Is there something wrong with me?” Instead, churches should celebrate people at all stages of their lives; God has a purpose for people no matter their marital status. Our job is to help them live into it.

I find it most disturbing when some church pastors insist on match-making the single members of their congregation and before you know it, the church becomes known as a place to meet your significant other—instead of as a place to get closer to God.

Single women already face enough pressure from the society. They don’t need more pressure from the pulpit. Let’s encourage them to serve God without distractions.

1 Corinthians 7:35

 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.

 

13 Replies to “The Annoying Thing About Being Single In Church”

  1. Being single is an opportunity to serve God fervently,wholeheartedly without distractions. But unfortunately it’s different now.
    We no longer hear “Youth are the pillar of the church” wonder what we are now!!!

  2. It is quite desirable for single ladies to get married rather than adding to the population of ashy that will give bj and still sing in the choir….. Get married soonest my young ladies and desist from your sinful act!

    1. Dear b2bhy, Your choice of words makes me raise eyebrows. But anyway, let’s learn to use our words to edify and to build. And if we must chastise, let it be done graciously and in love.

    2. I try as much as possible not to destroy what others are trying to build even if I don’t agree with it. That’s a poor comment. No sinners mentioned here.

  3. B2bhy, it isn’t compulsory to always make comment. This write up is trying to address a misnomer and here you are trying to fan d flame of the issue. Judging from your comment, I don’t think I’d be wrong if you’re labelled as one of those who engaged in sexual and character harassment of single ladies.

  4. The unfortunate comment by B2bhy is the very prejudiced kind of thinking that the article is addressing. It may be true that some single people (men and women) misbehave, but unfortunately, it’s women who get all the negative attention in the Nigerian environment. Churches should therefore not add to the cultural misogyny by giving the impression that something is wrong with being single.

  5. Your point is clear, however, you made an erroneous assumption that this is what is obtainable across board. The stage of being single is delicate. Think of the thousand freedoms with pop culture, possible flings, crazy friendships, and other strong influences. As far as I know, churches simply provide pillars of support for singles to lean on so they (we) can navigate this stage unscathed, or for the already scathed, to heal. Even with the teachings available, people still miss it. How much more if it didn’t exist at all? Agreed, some pastors (not churches) are more zealous about this subject than the others, however, it is the duty of every christian to hold up everything to the light of God’s word. That is the standard. Check with God’s word. Not sentiments or feelings. Big ups.

  6. True talk….ma sista, enjoy your singlehood as every level as its own challenges. I can authoritatively say that you encounter more challenges as a married woman anywhere in the world. If you didnt make good your singlehood you may have regrets after marriage.

  7. On pointful 4lah…
    Most singles should have been tied by now but due to the economic recession in the country many of the single guys are still scouting for daily bread and even survival not to talk of getting doubled or hooking up another in their hard economic situation.
    Pastors I guess are only being empathetic about their status considering the part of the world where we are

  8. They make us feel really bad whilst their home aren’t really a happy end. No offence but I don’t like em adults painting single folks with a stigma. I never go out for such prayers.

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